


Its Hard to Be The Bard!

by apoetwithoutstrings



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Funny, Musical References, Oneshot Prompts Challenge, Roach Ships It (The Witcher)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26239762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apoetwithoutstrings/pseuds/apoetwithoutstrings
Summary: Dandelion performs the song "Its Hard to Be The Bard" from Something Rotten. That it. Thats the plot.
Kudos: 4





	Its Hard to Be The Bard!

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy

Dandelion kicked up his feet against a log that laid on the harsh ground the outskirts of Novigrad had to offer. The troubadour picked at his fingernails as his body laid with more slack than before.

“You know Geralt,” he started with a voice as dramatic as in a Shakespeare play, “it is hard to be the bard.” 

Geralt, who was standing by roach at the stream to the left of where dandelion sat, threw a look towards his bard. “You really think being a bard is harder than a witcher?”

“Certainly, you’re all swords and no fashion sense while I am the beauty in this world! I am the beauty of the arts and must string words together to bring a hussy to tears, you swing your swords and slash.” Dandelion threw a hand over his forehead and arched his back while a smirk came to his lips. 

“You hit things like ONE! TWO! THREE! Dead, dead, dead! While I slave over a paper that lays on Roach like a table.” He used his hands to clap exaggeratedly. 

Dandelion moved the tip of his tongue to the edge of his teeth as he took a breath-- preparing for a song to slip through. 

“ My days are so busy it's making me dizzy, there's so much I gotta do. There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings and endless interviews. Gotta pose for a portrait and how I deplore sitting there for eternity.” 

Geralt turned around fully to stare at the troubadour and his face held no amusement. “Shut up bard, we have to leave Novigrad soon. Keep up your complaining about following me around and singing songs about it, and I won’t let you ride Roach.” 

“Geralt! That’s incredibly rude,” Dandelion gasped in a playfully offended tone,” I am simply singing a song. Let your most beautiful troubadour sing another bard’s song.” 

Dandelion counted on his fingers and began to sink back into the tune. “Then it's off to the inn, where my innkeeper friend wants to name a drink after me. Then it's back to my room, where I resume my attempt to write a hit. Just me and my beer and the terrible fear that I might be losing it and it's hard!” 

“It’s hard?” Geralt chuckled in disbelief at the other man’s awful hardship. 

“It’s hard, it’s hard!” Dandelion kept singing in his tune. 

“It’s hard yeah right-”

“It’s really hard, so very very hard, it’s really hard, very very hard!” Dandelion purposely sang over Geralt’s commentary. “I make it look easy but honey, believe me, it’s hard!” 

Geralt sighed and faced away from the troubadour who follows him around the world, he looked at Roach and spoke, “easy Roach, he’s annoying but we have to take him with us.”

“Honestly, I don't know how I do it. There's only so much of me to go around! I've got so many fans with so many demands, I can hardly go take a piss! Be it theater-freak or the autograph-seeker. They all want a piece of this!” He broke off from the song, “so do the ladies!” 

“Yeah right, the ladies who don’t have their fathers come and kick his sorry ass.Which I have to save because Metilide forbid Dandelion gets a kick to the arse like he deserves.” Geralt jested to Roach. 

“Don’t you think I didn’t hear you! Have you any respect for a troubadour like I! Now, as I was singing.” 

Roach neighed.

“It's a cross that I bear, I'm like Jesus, I swear. It's a burden but I suffer through it! It's all part of the game, The trappings of fame but somebody's gotta do it. And I know, I know, I gotta go and get back to my pen and ink. Oh don't make me do it, don't make me go through it.” The bard threw his head back in utter agony, “can somebody get me a drink!” 

“Let me guess, ‘cause it’s hard to be the bard’” Geralt sneered as Dandelion loudly sang, “Cause it’s hard to be the bard! It’s really really hard! It’s sexy but it’s hard.”

“It's so annoyingly hard so unavoidably, unenjoyably hard. It's hard to be the bard, baby I know writing made me famous, but being famous is just so much more fun!” Dandelion stood up from the log he was slouching against. 

He walked towards his bag that laid next to a tree by Geralt and Roach, he bent down and grabbed a flask from his bag. 

“God’s Geralt I need a drink.” He proclaimed as he took a long swig. 

Geralt looked at the bard for a moment then turned back to Roach. Roach neighed.

“Augh, it’s hard to be the dammed bard! Nothing good ever comes of it all! The ladies who bed themselves with I for a night only for the father to chase me away the next day! My poetry is lacking and the dammed lady bards are taking all my customers.” Dandelion kicked the log he was previously sitting on.

“Tough life?” Geralt commented as he watched Dandelions tantrum. “Dandelion, just wait until we find work you’ll see something to write a ballad about.” 

“You see... What people just don't understand is that writing's demanding! It's mentally challenging and it's a bore, it's such a chore, to sit in a room by yourself. Oh my god, I just hate it!” Dandelion continued his tune, as he angrily said on the log once more. He took a final swig from the flask and threw it back onto his bag. 

“And you're trying to find, an opening line or a brilliant idea. And you're pacing the floor and hoping for just a bit of divine intervention. That one little nugget that one little spark! You find it you're ready to start, so now you can write, right? Wrong!” 

“Well Roach, have you ever seen him this frustrated before?” Geralt asked as he pet Roach’s mane, the mare neighed in reply. 

“You're not even close, you remember that damn it, your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter! So you write down a word but it's not the right word, so you try a new word but you hate the new word and you need a good word but you can't find the word. Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it!” 

Dandelion finished the verse and picked up his feet and began to monologue to the crowd who wasn’t listening. 

“One day, one day I tell you, I will write a ballad that will blow away every listener! It will hold emotions so sweet, so pure, and so incredibly sexy that I will become so incredibly rich! And you Geralt, we will finally be able to afford an Inn in the highest costs in Novigrad! And that Yennefer of yours, will rue the day she crossed me, she will rue the day! That wretch she is Geralt! It is hard to be the bard, it is hard to be the most handsome bard in the lands, and most importantly it is hard to follow a witcher around! Although I beat the odds because I am Master Dandelion, the incredible troubadour.” 

Geralt took Roach by her lead and walked over to where Dandelion was monologuing. He sighed and moved a free hand to pat Dandelion on the shoulder, “Yes, the most incredible Master Dandelion. Now get on Roach you’re drunk and we’re leaving.” 

Dandelion smiled at Geralt’s compliment as he hopped on top of Roach and they left the forest where Dandelion rightly proclaimed, ‘it’s hard to be the bard.’ 


End file.
